I was born in Allahabad. My father died when l was seven years old, and my mother brought us here, to Bombay. My mother worked in a company that mad insulation coils. She was not making much money at that time though, and had to leave us with our uncle and move to Dubai, where she earned much more.
I was 14 when l got married. I thought he was a well-bred boy from a respectable family and had no idea he had bad habits. He told me very early that he visited prostitutes though - he'd say he was going out, and l'd wonder what the big deal in that was since everybody goes out. It was only later that l realized that he'd been 'going out' to the red light area. He had also asked me if l had had a boyfriend or lover or any other problems, but l was too young and inexperienced to understand.
He was 20 at the time, and has a business repairing watches. He'd drink a lot and mix with the wrong people. When he didn't drink, however, these people weren't his friends. They were up to no good and would invariably cause fights.
I spent the years before my pregnancy behind purdah in one room...I had a child after two ears of marriage, but didn't know that last thing about children, or even how one has them! I thought people married so that the woman could look after the home, prepare meals.and didn't let my husband consummate our marriage until after the first month. I have not desired 'it' since. He was so sexy, he'd want it at every point, while l had begun to detest it. It was because he was this sexy that he needed to go out. He had forced me for the first two years, and by the end of it, l had begun to hate him as well.
We went on this way until he started to fall ill. He stopped working and started going to the dispensary, but this didn't help. He had even sold his stall to pay for his treatment. He had AIDS, but l did not know anything about it then. He had told me to keep it as a secret - he was scared they would throw us out of the hospital.
Doctors feel that HIV patients are a waste of their time - if they're going to die anyway, let them. Yet they seem aftaid of us and will even wear gloves to take our temperature. Nurses discourage our own family members from sitting by our side. If doctors and nurses have such an attitude, what will happen? It really angers me that we are thrown away for having this problem. He died within six months at GT Hospital.
I remarried in 1996. I was working at a company then and he was my boss. I have told him everything. We use condoms because he is negative. We are friends and lovers, fifty-fifty. He is working in Dubai and sends money for the children. We write to each other and l am happy.
My elder daughter is very sick - woh to last stages main hai. I'm hoping to bring both my children back home. I don't feel alone because l have friends and my mother. Had l not remarried, however, l don't think l could have come this far. I can speak and write English - l have taught myself all this.
By this time Zarina is really fidgety. I asked her sho all knew about her status apart from her mother, her friend and her husband. She said her sister. I asked her which of her sisters and she said - "I only have one sister." Then l pointed out that she had mentioned that she had four sisters. By now l realize that she is fibbing. I asked her if she is making all this up and she continues to laugh. She cannot make up her mind - she says yes and then starts laughing again.
Arre, people have been asking me the same questions for years and l've gotten bored of repeating the same story. Then they ask if l've thought about the future. Will you ask me that too" I've been asking God to take me away, what else? I can't commit suicide, so what shall l do? I am carrying on. I think about my daughter a lot, and the fact that she'll never recover, but people think that l don't care because they see me out and about…..Lekin mera aisa hi chalta hai.
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist14.html
Showing posts with label HIV/AIDS Stories in India. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HIV/AIDS Stories in India. Show all posts
Shobha's story
Shobha is a sex worker. She was tricked into prostitution at the age of 14. She was married in the middle for a while, and stayed out of sex work for a few years. She came back to it after a series of compelling events, and became HIV positive.
I'm from Allahbad. I had a stepmother, and had run away from home. Somebody enticed me to find work in Bombay, and took me to Kamatipura when l was 14. He went in while l waited outside - l have no idea what they spoke about. That evening , the woman there talked to me nicely, fed me dinner, and l fell asleep fairly relaxed. On waking up after a little while, l discovered there was a man by my side. I asked him who he was, and he said he was my aadmi.. When l told him l had no aadmi, he suggested l ask my mother about it. I said that the woman outside was not my mother. He raped me somehow…what more can l say?
Six months past this way, until l met Sayed. He was a Muslim. He took good care of me for 10-12 years, and l changed my name to Samina Sheikh. All he said to my gharwali was that he was taking me out for the day. He showed me a room and said we'd stay there together. I said l'd live with him only if he promised to feed me well.
He had a seekh kabab business, and would pay for my taxi fares. We had three children together; Soni, Moni, and Ravi. I raised them to be Hindu - they live in the village, while we have a place in Mahim. My younger sister and brother take care of them.
I left Sayed out of humiliation. We had to vacate our room because of him - he had raped a four-year-old girl, and was being held by the police. I didn't believe it at first and had him released. It was only later that l found out that he had another wife. Althogh he looked very young, he was extremely cunning, and had cheated his first wife as well. He now lives in Bandra with four women.
I left him and started work at Aasha Prakalp Eye Hospital, distributing condoms and educating women in Kamatipura. But they discharged me for missing a few days of work, and l found a job as a maid at Bombay Hospital, earning no more than Rs 100 after every 12 hour day. If l had been able to work seven days a week, perhaps it would have been worth it. But that didn't happen.
I had also tried to work at a beer bar, but l disliked the work there. They dim the lights in these places so that their customers can do as they please - from the front, from the back, in front of everyone. In dhanda, at least we're in a room, and l can demand the money in advance. I have more power this way. Mein to keh deti hoon, mujbe seedhi tarike se karo.
So l went back. I knew the rules - fifty percent for the gharwali, and fifty percent for me. If l had not gone voluntarily, they wouldn't have accepted me. Nobody buys girls these days. The law can punish gharwalis for five years.
These days we have very few new customers because of the fear of AIDS. There wasn't as much awareness until the last two years, however. Some of them tear their condoms intentionally - ki meine dekho phaad hi diya, aisa. Some of them are young - they don't care; marna hai to mar jaayenge. I tell them they should wear condoms, but they cannot say that l have 'it'. I'll lose my work. If l tell them in jest, they say, "Tu to achhi dikhti hai."
I got myself tested after returning to this dhanda. Mein nashe main itna hoti hoon, ki mein khud nahi keh sakti ki mere saath kya hua hai, kya kiya hai meine, isliye. Yet if l don't drink, my mind will not work. The doctor suspected HIV and l became very upset.
I now live with another man named Shivakanth. I met him in this line of work. He works at Mahim Bakery. He understands me - poor girl, she used to work as a social worker and is now a dhandewali. When he invited me to live with him, l said "Tum mujhe quarter pilao, mein tere saath aati boon." I had had too much to drink, but he took care of me. He did not force himself on me at all. We did sleep together, but that was much later. He would tell me that he was very jealous of my customers, and even suggested we buy a room for ourselves. We now live together, and l have told people in my village that he is my aadmi. I work during the day, and come home to our room at night.
I have a lot of respect for him. He does not know that l am positive. But when l tell him that being in this line of work, l could become easily infected, he says, "If you have it, we will die together. If you have it, then it is my destiny." I tell him when we are drunk, and it happens when we are drunk too, but when he is sober, he does not believe me. He is negative for sure.
We don’t use condoms because they are very expensive. The government gives every woman a three-piece packet, but it's impossible for me to get through the day with that alone. If we can't get condoms, how are we expected to use them? Nobody knows that l am positive. If anyone finds out, he won't keep me. I know of many women who are positive. But what is a dhandewali to do? One is drowning in debt, another does not have access to treatment…when l go to municipality hospitals, l get very angry!
I'm on the look out for a part-time job now, but l don't want to give up my dhanda. I need money. I had taken a loan of Rs 24,000 for my daughter's wedding that l have to return. I haven't married Shivakanth, but wear sindoor all the same - every woman needs a man. My children have no idea that l do this sort of dhanda and l will never let them know. Maybe this way they can have a good life.
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist10.html
I'm from Allahbad. I had a stepmother, and had run away from home. Somebody enticed me to find work in Bombay, and took me to Kamatipura when l was 14. He went in while l waited outside - l have no idea what they spoke about. That evening , the woman there talked to me nicely, fed me dinner, and l fell asleep fairly relaxed. On waking up after a little while, l discovered there was a man by my side. I asked him who he was, and he said he was my aadmi.. When l told him l had no aadmi, he suggested l ask my mother about it. I said that the woman outside was not my mother. He raped me somehow…what more can l say?
Six months past this way, until l met Sayed. He was a Muslim. He took good care of me for 10-12 years, and l changed my name to Samina Sheikh. All he said to my gharwali was that he was taking me out for the day. He showed me a room and said we'd stay there together. I said l'd live with him only if he promised to feed me well.
He had a seekh kabab business, and would pay for my taxi fares. We had three children together; Soni, Moni, and Ravi. I raised them to be Hindu - they live in the village, while we have a place in Mahim. My younger sister and brother take care of them.
I left Sayed out of humiliation. We had to vacate our room because of him - he had raped a four-year-old girl, and was being held by the police. I didn't believe it at first and had him released. It was only later that l found out that he had another wife. Althogh he looked very young, he was extremely cunning, and had cheated his first wife as well. He now lives in Bandra with four women.
I left him and started work at Aasha Prakalp Eye Hospital, distributing condoms and educating women in Kamatipura. But they discharged me for missing a few days of work, and l found a job as a maid at Bombay Hospital, earning no more than Rs 100 after every 12 hour day. If l had been able to work seven days a week, perhaps it would have been worth it. But that didn't happen.
I had also tried to work at a beer bar, but l disliked the work there. They dim the lights in these places so that their customers can do as they please - from the front, from the back, in front of everyone. In dhanda, at least we're in a room, and l can demand the money in advance. I have more power this way. Mein to keh deti hoon, mujbe seedhi tarike se karo.
So l went back. I knew the rules - fifty percent for the gharwali, and fifty percent for me. If l had not gone voluntarily, they wouldn't have accepted me. Nobody buys girls these days. The law can punish gharwalis for five years.
These days we have very few new customers because of the fear of AIDS. There wasn't as much awareness until the last two years, however. Some of them tear their condoms intentionally - ki meine dekho phaad hi diya, aisa. Some of them are young - they don't care; marna hai to mar jaayenge. I tell them they should wear condoms, but they cannot say that l have 'it'. I'll lose my work. If l tell them in jest, they say, "Tu to achhi dikhti hai."
I got myself tested after returning to this dhanda. Mein nashe main itna hoti hoon, ki mein khud nahi keh sakti ki mere saath kya hua hai, kya kiya hai meine, isliye. Yet if l don't drink, my mind will not work. The doctor suspected HIV and l became very upset.
I now live with another man named Shivakanth. I met him in this line of work. He works at Mahim Bakery. He understands me - poor girl, she used to work as a social worker and is now a dhandewali. When he invited me to live with him, l said "Tum mujhe quarter pilao, mein tere saath aati boon." I had had too much to drink, but he took care of me. He did not force himself on me at all. We did sleep together, but that was much later. He would tell me that he was very jealous of my customers, and even suggested we buy a room for ourselves. We now live together, and l have told people in my village that he is my aadmi. I work during the day, and come home to our room at night.
I have a lot of respect for him. He does not know that l am positive. But when l tell him that being in this line of work, l could become easily infected, he says, "If you have it, we will die together. If you have it, then it is my destiny." I tell him when we are drunk, and it happens when we are drunk too, but when he is sober, he does not believe me. He is negative for sure.
We don’t use condoms because they are very expensive. The government gives every woman a three-piece packet, but it's impossible for me to get through the day with that alone. If we can't get condoms, how are we expected to use them? Nobody knows that l am positive. If anyone finds out, he won't keep me. I know of many women who are positive. But what is a dhandewali to do? One is drowning in debt, another does not have access to treatment…when l go to municipality hospitals, l get very angry!
I'm on the look out for a part-time job now, but l don't want to give up my dhanda. I need money. I had taken a loan of Rs 24,000 for my daughter's wedding that l have to return. I haven't married Shivakanth, but wear sindoor all the same - every woman needs a man. My children have no idea that l do this sort of dhanda and l will never let them know. Maybe this way they can have a good life.
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist10.html
Ratna's Story
My father is a goldsmith. When he got a job at Masjid Bunder, we moved to Bombay from Calcutta. I was three then, and have lived here since. I studied up to my second year of Bcom at PN Joshi College, which was very nice - they gave me clothes and financial help. Our family, however, did not want to educate its girls too much; they were afraid of not finding grooms who were more educated.
When my marriage was arranged, l was very upset. My Maharashtrian friends would work for a year after graduation and then marry - mera bhi sapna yehi tha. Nobody asked me my opinion though; they knew if asked, l would say no to marriage. My father knew l had all these ideas about social change - l wanted to change the world, and doubted l'd be able to once l was married. Then again, l could understand my father's point - he had four daughters to marry and l was the eldest. If l did not marry first, there would be problems for the rest.
After marriage, my husband got his own room. We did not have any financial problems. He worked at Masjid Bunder as well. As l was the chhoti bahu, everyone loved me a lot. I had no major responsibilities.
Six months after the wedding, my husband started getting high fevers. I was pregnant at that time and with my parents. I had a baby boy at the hospital and everyone, except for my husband, came to see me there. Three days later they told me he had malaria and had been hospitalized. They discharged him shortly, but he did not recover. His fever used to go so high that if you touched him, haath chatak jaata. Daddy thought that he should go to Calcutta for treatment, and accompanied my devar to take him there. He would be better looked after in his own home, since l had a full time job attending to our child here. I was very worried.
A month later, however, he was still very ill, and daddy went to Calcutta and brought him back. I was shocked on seeing him: he had lost his hair, was looking very dark, and had become very weak. He did not even respond to our family doctor's medication, who became suspicious and suggested a blood test. He tested HIV positive.
I asked my jeth for money for his medicines, but he made nothing but empty promises, and provided no real support. He works in a factory and his income is around Rs10,000. Bhai ka farz banta hai dekhne ka. In the meantime, my husband would fight with my saas, who got fed up and went home to the village.
At this point l began to look around for work, which was a very difficult thing. When l said, "l need it, my husband is ill and l have a small child,' they would tell me, "Don't come, your mind will be on your problems at home!" Eventually, l found a job in a school and would work from 7.30 to 4. I had to manage my workload as well as my husband's health. I had had myself tested with him and knew that l was positive too. My attention was on my husband. He was always sad and becoming increasingly weak.
Itna dukh jhelte jhelte, he decided to return to Calcutta. It was my father, again, who organized his travel and took him there. He couldn't even stand, and it must have been very difficult to manage him along with their luggage. One day, they phoned from there to say that he is very, very serious and that l should come instantly. I panicked because there was no money to travel - l had lost the job, as it had been only a temporary one. I was under tremendous pressure and was also getting ill: I would vomit whatever l ate, have a heavy head, and suffer burning fevers at night. I had started giving tuition's at home, but could barely manage with that income.
That Sunday night, they phoned to say that he had expired. My father borrowed more money for me to travel and took care of all other expenses as well. In Calcutta, they did all the last rites. My jeth gave only five hundred rupees. He earns so much money, why couldn't he help? During illness, you really realize who your true friends are - sab ulat jaata hai. The only thing my mother-in-law told me was not to get married. She told me nicely and we did not discuss it.
I got a lot of support from my parents. I sold off my TV, the cupboard, bed, and paid off all the debts my father had taken during his illness. I did this Montessori course and with Dr. Bora's help, have reached here today. I have been through a lot - my brother-in-law did not help at all. On returning from Calcutta, my devar demanded a huge sum of money he claimed my husband had borrowed from him. I did not know of any such money, and that's probably why he approached my father and not me.
Nobody knows that my husband died of AIDS or that l am positive. My parents have taken care to see that it does not spread. I hink my husband's family did not want to spend because they didn't see the point in it. I knew about HIV and AIDS before all this. It is all over TV and in the magazines. But l only knew about the way it spreads. There is a stigma attached to AIDS. Then again, l doubt that my husband's family would have helped if he had cancer instead.
As a diamond setter in Masjid Bunder, my husband was overworked and underpaid. And when he got back home, he had to do everything himself. It could happen to anyone who lives alone. I feel guilty for torturing him. Now l realize that 'going astray' was only normal. He was a nice man. I knew even then that it was not fair to get upset with him, but l would all the same.
My husband was a very emotional person. One day a man came to the house begging for money. He said he would look at our hands and tell us our fortunes. My husband sat and talked to him. I told him l did not approve of all this nonsense palm reading and that he was just fooling us. He made the man tea and gave him fifty rupees! I used to scold him a lot. He had to make voters' cards. He spent one full day going to this office, that office, spent a would lot of money and got nothing done. When l went, l managed it in one day. I was never afraid of him… l was the boss!
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist09.html
When my marriage was arranged, l was very upset. My Maharashtrian friends would work for a year after graduation and then marry - mera bhi sapna yehi tha. Nobody asked me my opinion though; they knew if asked, l would say no to marriage. My father knew l had all these ideas about social change - l wanted to change the world, and doubted l'd be able to once l was married. Then again, l could understand my father's point - he had four daughters to marry and l was the eldest. If l did not marry first, there would be problems for the rest.
After marriage, my husband got his own room. We did not have any financial problems. He worked at Masjid Bunder as well. As l was the chhoti bahu, everyone loved me a lot. I had no major responsibilities.
Six months after the wedding, my husband started getting high fevers. I was pregnant at that time and with my parents. I had a baby boy at the hospital and everyone, except for my husband, came to see me there. Three days later they told me he had malaria and had been hospitalized. They discharged him shortly, but he did not recover. His fever used to go so high that if you touched him, haath chatak jaata. Daddy thought that he should go to Calcutta for treatment, and accompanied my devar to take him there. He would be better looked after in his own home, since l had a full time job attending to our child here. I was very worried.
A month later, however, he was still very ill, and daddy went to Calcutta and brought him back. I was shocked on seeing him: he had lost his hair, was looking very dark, and had become very weak. He did not even respond to our family doctor's medication, who became suspicious and suggested a blood test. He tested HIV positive.
I asked my jeth for money for his medicines, but he made nothing but empty promises, and provided no real support. He works in a factory and his income is around Rs10,000. Bhai ka farz banta hai dekhne ka. In the meantime, my husband would fight with my saas, who got fed up and went home to the village.
At this point l began to look around for work, which was a very difficult thing. When l said, "l need it, my husband is ill and l have a small child,' they would tell me, "Don't come, your mind will be on your problems at home!" Eventually, l found a job in a school and would work from 7.30 to 4. I had to manage my workload as well as my husband's health. I had had myself tested with him and knew that l was positive too. My attention was on my husband. He was always sad and becoming increasingly weak.
Itna dukh jhelte jhelte, he decided to return to Calcutta. It was my father, again, who organized his travel and took him there. He couldn't even stand, and it must have been very difficult to manage him along with their luggage. One day, they phoned from there to say that he is very, very serious and that l should come instantly. I panicked because there was no money to travel - l had lost the job, as it had been only a temporary one. I was under tremendous pressure and was also getting ill: I would vomit whatever l ate, have a heavy head, and suffer burning fevers at night. I had started giving tuition's at home, but could barely manage with that income.
That Sunday night, they phoned to say that he had expired. My father borrowed more money for me to travel and took care of all other expenses as well. In Calcutta, they did all the last rites. My jeth gave only five hundred rupees. He earns so much money, why couldn't he help? During illness, you really realize who your true friends are - sab ulat jaata hai. The only thing my mother-in-law told me was not to get married. She told me nicely and we did not discuss it.
I got a lot of support from my parents. I sold off my TV, the cupboard, bed, and paid off all the debts my father had taken during his illness. I did this Montessori course and with Dr. Bora's help, have reached here today. I have been through a lot - my brother-in-law did not help at all. On returning from Calcutta, my devar demanded a huge sum of money he claimed my husband had borrowed from him. I did not know of any such money, and that's probably why he approached my father and not me.
Nobody knows that my husband died of AIDS or that l am positive. My parents have taken care to see that it does not spread. I hink my husband's family did not want to spend because they didn't see the point in it. I knew about HIV and AIDS before all this. It is all over TV and in the magazines. But l only knew about the way it spreads. There is a stigma attached to AIDS. Then again, l doubt that my husband's family would have helped if he had cancer instead.
As a diamond setter in Masjid Bunder, my husband was overworked and underpaid. And when he got back home, he had to do everything himself. It could happen to anyone who lives alone. I feel guilty for torturing him. Now l realize that 'going astray' was only normal. He was a nice man. I knew even then that it was not fair to get upset with him, but l would all the same.
My husband was a very emotional person. One day a man came to the house begging for money. He said he would look at our hands and tell us our fortunes. My husband sat and talked to him. I told him l did not approve of all this nonsense palm reading and that he was just fooling us. He made the man tea and gave him fifty rupees! I used to scold him a lot. He had to make voters' cards. He spent one full day going to this office, that office, spent a would lot of money and got nothing done. When l went, l managed it in one day. I was never afraid of him… l was the boss!
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist09.html
Ranjana's story
Ranjana is 25 years old. She stays in Nagpada and has been married for three years. Her husband has a clerical job with a travel agency. They have no children.
I had an arranged marriage and live with my mother-in-law and brother-in-law. In the beginning, l had no idea about AIDS. My husband was tested for HIV only after being ill for a whole year. We were shocked when he tested positive - l realized he could die any time.
Some say that he probably had relations with other women, but he's convinced that he got infected during his hernia operation - unko do bottle knoon chadhaya tha(he had to take two bottles of blood). He was healthy before the operation. Now he has no appetite and has become very thin.
His treatment is going well. At first l was a little afraid of being around him, but now l'm the one to give him his medicines when he feels low. These days he's lost in his own world, and does not go to work. His company wants him to recover completely before coming back and is also paying his medical bills.
Sambandh? (sex)He doesn't feel like it. He's become weak, no? So he can't do it. But it's not like l won't sleep with him again. Pati to bhagwan hote hain. Bas time aane par(husband is like god, let the time come)..let him get a little better. Hame to apne aap par control rakhna chahiye.(we must control ourselves.
There has been no real difference at home. We have not told anybody. He kept his test results from us for the first 5-6 months, as he was afraid of my parents' disapproval. He was also scared that l'd leave him.
My father says that l should leave my husband and get married again. Whatever happens, it's my destiny. I have sworn never to be a burden on my father. I have studied up to my SSC, and had hoped to work at some small job. My husband had also said that l could do whatever l wanted - courses, services - but l was unable to do anything because he fell ill, and l had to take care of him. Although l am negative, l will not leave my husband's side. I have that much strength.
Women will never be free. Men will keep going to them….where there is honey, there are bees. Unless the government tries to remove these women, it's going to be useless. Men are unable to control themselves, but women are. I don't think of myself as free. But as long as l have my husband, l am happy. I don't need anything else. I would have left him if he had beaten me. But it's not like that.
We never fought very much, and this hasn't changed over time;in fact, we're closer and understand each other better now.
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist08.html
I had an arranged marriage and live with my mother-in-law and brother-in-law. In the beginning, l had no idea about AIDS. My husband was tested for HIV only after being ill for a whole year. We were shocked when he tested positive - l realized he could die any time.
Some say that he probably had relations with other women, but he's convinced that he got infected during his hernia operation - unko do bottle knoon chadhaya tha(he had to take two bottles of blood). He was healthy before the operation. Now he has no appetite and has become very thin.
His treatment is going well. At first l was a little afraid of being around him, but now l'm the one to give him his medicines when he feels low. These days he's lost in his own world, and does not go to work. His company wants him to recover completely before coming back and is also paying his medical bills.
Sambandh? (sex)He doesn't feel like it. He's become weak, no? So he can't do it. But it's not like l won't sleep with him again. Pati to bhagwan hote hain. Bas time aane par(husband is like god, let the time come)..let him get a little better. Hame to apne aap par control rakhna chahiye.(we must control ourselves.
There has been no real difference at home. We have not told anybody. He kept his test results from us for the first 5-6 months, as he was afraid of my parents' disapproval. He was also scared that l'd leave him.
My father says that l should leave my husband and get married again. Whatever happens, it's my destiny. I have sworn never to be a burden on my father. I have studied up to my SSC, and had hoped to work at some small job. My husband had also said that l could do whatever l wanted - courses, services - but l was unable to do anything because he fell ill, and l had to take care of him. Although l am negative, l will not leave my husband's side. I have that much strength.
Women will never be free. Men will keep going to them….where there is honey, there are bees. Unless the government tries to remove these women, it's going to be useless. Men are unable to control themselves, but women are. I don't think of myself as free. But as long as l have my husband, l am happy. I don't need anything else. I would have left him if he had beaten me. But it's not like that.
We never fought very much, and this hasn't changed over time;in fact, we're closer and understand each other better now.
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist08.html
Monty's Story
Monty is a 33-year old man from Manipur. He has been taking drugs of different kinds since he was 14. Monty was admitted to a rehab centre for drugs and alcohol. He got to know he was HIV positive when he was tested on entry to the program.
I have many sexual partners. Mostly l pick up students; they do it sometimes for money and sometimes for fun. I never use condoms with them. I used to steal from my business, from my mother, and even smuggle things to support my heroin habit.
I was married 4-5 years back in 1988, and we separated in 1991-92. I have an eight-year-old daughter, Suzanne. She is so big and is not ill- she must be negative. They say positive children only live 4-5 years. Sometimes l feel l should tell her l will die soon, but fear she will look down on me. My mother sends money for Suzanne. I do not earn, but l have enough money to live on.
I have one girlfriend, sort of. I know everything about her, and she knows about me - l tell her everything. She does not know that l am positive. I do not have the courage to tell her, she too will look down on me. There will be the stigma - 'He has AIDS'.
She must be positive. She must also know all about HIV and AIDS. She knows we never use condoms, and she knows about my drugs. I even told her once to get herself tested. "Go for a check up," l told her….she might have another boyfriend. She takes money from me sometimes. Money for sex? No it's more than that - l have helped her get a job, l help her out many times.
If l tell her, she will get mad. She'll ditch me or maybe she will blackmail me - for money and for revenge. She will be very hurt emotionally. She is closer to me than l am to her. Both our parents know we are seeing each other. The only thing is that l do not want to get married to her. Marriage has lots of responsibilities. I have made a mistake once and do not want to repeat it.
I think that she does not know yet that she is positive. She does not use drugs. Actually, l am not sure if she had another boyfriend or not, l may be justifying my actions thinking so. Fifty percent is justification, and fifty percent l know she goes to parties and has fun. The point is l cannot do anything and neither can she. I have been with her for three years now, and she must be positive. I cannot undo it.
I have used condoms with my girlfriend twice. Once l told her that it was because of my high-risk behaviour, and once l told her that she shouldn't get pregnant - this is only an excuse because she uses a pill, so l told her l have never tried condoms before, and the experience would be new for me. Then l stopped using them because l didn't like the sensation. I thought she was probably already infected, so..
After knowing that l am positive, l thought l should use my own needles. I did not want my friends to get it. But everyone must be positive anyway. In Manipur it is very common for people to be positive. If we are seen carrying a needle here, we can be put into jail, so we take whoever's syringe is available. Nothing strikes when the craving is so much - we don't care, we just fix.
Even before l got myself tested, l was sure l would be positive because of all the awareness programs. Now new complications have emerged: l have TB and diabetes. The programme here is very tough. We even meditate, but l have a problem with GOD, which l am trying to sort out. I am trying my best. My family told me it's either detox or jail. I have been jailed six times and it's much harder than detox. So l am here again.
My relationship with Suzanne is not very good. I was always busy fixing when she was younger and did not have any time for her. I feel she could start hating me, her mother may tell her all sorts of things. My wife refuses to sign divorce papers. I think she keeps hoping to get back with me. We do not live nearby, but we meet through friends. She was a schoolteacher, but now she's at home with parents.
My wife and l broke up because l get very violent when l am drunk. I have creaed a lot of trouble for her. I didn't spend time with her - my friends used to come over, we used to have a party and drink. I did not come home at night. This is the way l am. We had a fight the day we broke up. I told her if she cannot accept me this way….this is my life and she cannot interfere in it….then she has to make a choice. She ran to her sister and l did not see her again for 7-8 months. Her mother came once with Suzanne to patch up. She was also saying that it was my fault. I accept it now, but then l had my pride. She is Hindu; l am Christian. I blamed her religion, her family, mother, everyone. We have been separated since then.
I want Suzanne to stay with me. I have property that l would like to leave her. When she is 10 years old, the father has some rights. I want Suzanne because l hold a grudge against my wife. My resentment is that she never tried to understand me even though she knows my personal problems. I think l still love her, l want to make amends, but my addictive personality says no. I think that l should change first and then think about it. But l don't think l'll get back with her because if she is negative, l do not want to take the risk. Why should l warn her? If she is spreading it unknowingly, then let her. She can carry on doing it.
My mother understands that l am positive, she understands me. I have told my sisters who live there. They have not told anyone else. I just cannot let it out that l am positive. They will kick me out - Manipur is a very small society. I come from a well-known family. We are business people and my uncle is in politics. The stigma there is really strong. If anyone is suspected to have HIV, they are tied up and shackled. They are not given any medicine. In some detox centres, they give you a Bible instead of medicine. In Churachandpur, just south of Manipur, they had to close up a well because the IV users there would commit suicide by jumping in.
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist07.html
I have many sexual partners. Mostly l pick up students; they do it sometimes for money and sometimes for fun. I never use condoms with them. I used to steal from my business, from my mother, and even smuggle things to support my heroin habit.
I was married 4-5 years back in 1988, and we separated in 1991-92. I have an eight-year-old daughter, Suzanne. She is so big and is not ill- she must be negative. They say positive children only live 4-5 years. Sometimes l feel l should tell her l will die soon, but fear she will look down on me. My mother sends money for Suzanne. I do not earn, but l have enough money to live on.
I have one girlfriend, sort of. I know everything about her, and she knows about me - l tell her everything. She does not know that l am positive. I do not have the courage to tell her, she too will look down on me. There will be the stigma - 'He has AIDS'.
She must be positive. She must also know all about HIV and AIDS. She knows we never use condoms, and she knows about my drugs. I even told her once to get herself tested. "Go for a check up," l told her….she might have another boyfriend. She takes money from me sometimes. Money for sex? No it's more than that - l have helped her get a job, l help her out many times.
If l tell her, she will get mad. She'll ditch me or maybe she will blackmail me - for money and for revenge. She will be very hurt emotionally. She is closer to me than l am to her. Both our parents know we are seeing each other. The only thing is that l do not want to get married to her. Marriage has lots of responsibilities. I have made a mistake once and do not want to repeat it.
I think that she does not know yet that she is positive. She does not use drugs. Actually, l am not sure if she had another boyfriend or not, l may be justifying my actions thinking so. Fifty percent is justification, and fifty percent l know she goes to parties and has fun. The point is l cannot do anything and neither can she. I have been with her for three years now, and she must be positive. I cannot undo it.
I have used condoms with my girlfriend twice. Once l told her that it was because of my high-risk behaviour, and once l told her that she shouldn't get pregnant - this is only an excuse because she uses a pill, so l told her l have never tried condoms before, and the experience would be new for me. Then l stopped using them because l didn't like the sensation. I thought she was probably already infected, so..
After knowing that l am positive, l thought l should use my own needles. I did not want my friends to get it. But everyone must be positive anyway. In Manipur it is very common for people to be positive. If we are seen carrying a needle here, we can be put into jail, so we take whoever's syringe is available. Nothing strikes when the craving is so much - we don't care, we just fix.
Even before l got myself tested, l was sure l would be positive because of all the awareness programs. Now new complications have emerged: l have TB and diabetes. The programme here is very tough. We even meditate, but l have a problem with GOD, which l am trying to sort out. I am trying my best. My family told me it's either detox or jail. I have been jailed six times and it's much harder than detox. So l am here again.
My relationship with Suzanne is not very good. I was always busy fixing when she was younger and did not have any time for her. I feel she could start hating me, her mother may tell her all sorts of things. My wife refuses to sign divorce papers. I think she keeps hoping to get back with me. We do not live nearby, but we meet through friends. She was a schoolteacher, but now she's at home with parents.
My wife and l broke up because l get very violent when l am drunk. I have creaed a lot of trouble for her. I didn't spend time with her - my friends used to come over, we used to have a party and drink. I did not come home at night. This is the way l am. We had a fight the day we broke up. I told her if she cannot accept me this way….this is my life and she cannot interfere in it….then she has to make a choice. She ran to her sister and l did not see her again for 7-8 months. Her mother came once with Suzanne to patch up. She was also saying that it was my fault. I accept it now, but then l had my pride. She is Hindu; l am Christian. I blamed her religion, her family, mother, everyone. We have been separated since then.
I want Suzanne to stay with me. I have property that l would like to leave her. When she is 10 years old, the father has some rights. I want Suzanne because l hold a grudge against my wife. My resentment is that she never tried to understand me even though she knows my personal problems. I think l still love her, l want to make amends, but my addictive personality says no. I think that l should change first and then think about it. But l don't think l'll get back with her because if she is negative, l do not want to take the risk. Why should l warn her? If she is spreading it unknowingly, then let her. She can carry on doing it.
My mother understands that l am positive, she understands me. I have told my sisters who live there. They have not told anyone else. I just cannot let it out that l am positive. They will kick me out - Manipur is a very small society. I come from a well-known family. We are business people and my uncle is in politics. The stigma there is really strong. If anyone is suspected to have HIV, they are tied up and shackled. They are not given any medicine. In some detox centres, they give you a Bible instead of medicine. In Churachandpur, just south of Manipur, they had to close up a well because the IV users there would commit suicide by jumping in.
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist07.html
Maya's Story
Maya is the sister of Vijay who died of AIDS in 1997. Her sister-in-law Sunita, 24 is HIV positive, but would not speak to us. She said she would rather let Maya tell the story.
I was a nurse, and was very familiar with AIDS. But l had no idea my brother had been infected. We were shocked when we found out, and could not accept it for a whole month. We thought it was a blood bank mix up.
Bhabhi was negative in those days. She did have jaundice once, but we didn't think much of it then. It was only when my brother's health worsened that we found out that bhabhi was also infected. She was seven months pregnant, and the doctor had discouraged her from having an abortion; instead he prescribed some medicines for the unborn child. Now we need to see whether the child's report is negative or not. We're waiting for an auspicious day to pick up the report.
It was l who collected their reports. His second report was positive. I had asked my brother if he'd 'gone out' anywhere, but he would swear on his children and say he hadn't. We knew that he'd drink alcohol and go to parties, but neither our parents, nor l, paid any real attention to these activities then.
It was very difficult for him to accept that he was positive. He was a big social worker - he'd help anyone who had a problem. He once took a bruised and bleeding worker to the hospital. Perhaps his blood infected him then?
We know that bhabhi's life has been ruined because of my brother. People are advising her to remarry. Bhabhi has studied up to her 10th, and has done a Montessori course. She makes very nice dresses. We support her. We keep thinking that it's because of us that she's going through this - humara bhai gaya to gaya, lekin dukh is baat ki hai ki who bhi phas gayi(my brother is dead, but we are sad that this poor girl is trapped). Her parents probably felt that we were a good family to marry into….had they known the truth, maybe they wouldn't have got her married to him.
She does not leave the house much. When my brother was sick, nobody called to inquire about him, and when he died, nobody wanted to even apply choona on his body…
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist06.html
I was a nurse, and was very familiar with AIDS. But l had no idea my brother had been infected. We were shocked when we found out, and could not accept it for a whole month. We thought it was a blood bank mix up.
Bhabhi was negative in those days. She did have jaundice once, but we didn't think much of it then. It was only when my brother's health worsened that we found out that bhabhi was also infected. She was seven months pregnant, and the doctor had discouraged her from having an abortion; instead he prescribed some medicines for the unborn child. Now we need to see whether the child's report is negative or not. We're waiting for an auspicious day to pick up the report.
It was l who collected their reports. His second report was positive. I had asked my brother if he'd 'gone out' anywhere, but he would swear on his children and say he hadn't. We knew that he'd drink alcohol and go to parties, but neither our parents, nor l, paid any real attention to these activities then.
It was very difficult for him to accept that he was positive. He was a big social worker - he'd help anyone who had a problem. He once took a bruised and bleeding worker to the hospital. Perhaps his blood infected him then?
We know that bhabhi's life has been ruined because of my brother. People are advising her to remarry. Bhabhi has studied up to her 10th, and has done a Montessori course. She makes very nice dresses. We support her. We keep thinking that it's because of us that she's going through this - humara bhai gaya to gaya, lekin dukh is baat ki hai ki who bhi phas gayi(my brother is dead, but we are sad that this poor girl is trapped). Her parents probably felt that we were a good family to marry into….had they known the truth, maybe they wouldn't have got her married to him.
She does not leave the house much. When my brother was sick, nobody called to inquire about him, and when he died, nobody wanted to even apply choona on his body…
http://www.hivaids.webcentral.com.au/text/ist06.html
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